oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
