the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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