nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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