So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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