This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this just has baby written all over it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
