I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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