I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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