i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just googled if crying burns calories
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
