she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
