He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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