I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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