And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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