Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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