Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he puts the penis in happiness.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
