Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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