Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
