i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
