I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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