I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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