We're facebook friends in real life
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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