Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
