Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
