i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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