his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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