I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
