Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
