HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
