I just saw a hot homeless man
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
