some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
