Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
