Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
