Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
