Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
