its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
