all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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