Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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