Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
