Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
