Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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