if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
