Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
