just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
