Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
