That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
