nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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