ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
