Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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