why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
