I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have demons in me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
