wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
