They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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